THE government are today breathing a big Brexit sigh of relief, after a plucky Carlow household volunteered to bear the economic brunt of the UK crashing out of the EU in a disorderly fashion next month.
Tánaiste and Minister for Foreign Affairs Simon Coveney was preparing to deliver the government’s plan for coping with a No-Deal Brexit, when the O’Mahon family from Leighlinbridge stepped forward in an ‘I’m Spartacus’ moment to state that they would ‘take it from here’.
The O’Mahon family, consisting of dairy farmer Michael, his wife Eileen and their four kids, will now see themselves lumbered with the multi-billion euro bill expected for the UK exiting the EU, saving the rest of the country from soaring prices, food shortages, and paramilitary activity.
“The government wrote up a very nice legislative bill, don’t get me wrong, but the dogs on the street could tell you that it wasn’t worth the paper it was written on,” said Michael O’Mahon, readying himself for the 29th of March, when everything is expected to implode.
“And whether or not the UK leaving the EU is really going to be the apocalypse they’re claiming it to be, we couldn’t sit back and watch every family in Ireland take the hit. I’m in the agri-sector myself, so I couldn’t just let the whole industry get ruined. My wife is a house keeper; she said it wouldn’t be right to do nothing and let every other household face a 50% hike in grocery prices, just because retailers can’t help but round up at times like this. It’ll be tough on us, we know, but there’s a comfort in knowing we’ve saved the country from ten years of austerity brought about by shoulder-shrugging politicians, yet again”.
The O’Mahon’s have stated that their offer is still on the table should the UK come to some agreement with the EU, if said agreement involves throwing Ireland under the bus, which it almost certainly will.