It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)


DESPITE what Maroon 5 say, everything little thing will not be alright. War, famine, violence, inequality and poverty engulfs the world. There is only suffering. Anyway, get yourself down to your local Hyundai dealer where the prices for the i20 start at just €15,000.

Denmark and Australia finished even stevens, with Australia saved by a VAR decision which handed them a penalty to square the match 1-1. Non-VAR replays of the incident revealed the decision was ‘harsh’. Mile Jedinak penalty strike was almost as impressive as his beard, which is home to over 34 separate bird nests.

Australia’s Nabbout dislocated his shoulder in a painful incident against Denmark, prompting ‘hard as nails bastards’ to explain, uninvited, why if it happened to them, it wouldn’t have hurt like that.

Over on ITV, Ireland manager Martin O’Neill criticised Australia for affording Christian Eriksen too much space on the pitch. Eriksen, who scored a hattrick against Ireland in the World Cup playoffs, was given the freedom of the ever expanding universe by O’Neill’s team.

In the second game of the day France stumbled their way to a victory over Peru, knocking out the team with the best fans in the competition. France’s ultimate disintegration via a massive squad and manager fallout has been scheduled for after their game against Denmark.

After further feedback from viewers, RTÉ have said they are looking into finding a way not to show Eamon Dunphy’s face in HD during games.

The evening kick off saw Croatia thump Argentina 3-0, with Lionel Messi coming under intense criticism for not doing enough to give the other players in the Argentina squad the ability to pass the ball to one another.

The tie was turned after Argentina keeper Willy Caballero got the willies while attempting to loft a pass to an Argentinian defender. A magic moment like this will be recreated by children around the world on every field and street corner, never intentionally.

Croatia’s second goal was scored by Modric and was officially marked down as a ‘a silky sexy bastard of a strike’ in the record books.

An awful night for Argentina had one bright spot as their manager Jorge Sampaoli hit his 10,000 steps target on his Fitbit while pacing the sideline like a madman.

FIFA president Gianni Infantino has been pictured in the car parks outside stadiums selling knock off replicas of football jerseys belonging to all 32 teams.

Today’s matches will see everyone crush on plucky Iceland, before Serbia take on Switzerland in the battle of the ‘not sure anyone cares about this one’. First up today however is Brazil, with Neymar still a doubt. The PSG forward will be cleared to play by FIFA once he sorts out that God awful haircut.