Hungover Local Striker Suprised As Anyone He Scored A Hattrick

LIAM GROTTY, striker for local Waterford sunday league team Rovers Celtic United, admitted to being as surprised as anyone that necking an unconfirmed number of pints Saturday night had no negative effect on his performance against Dunmore Celtic.

The striker, described privately by teammates as ‘piss poor’, bagged himself a hattrick but admits to being hangover to such an extent that he has little memory of the 84 minutes he played before being substituted to generous applause from the seven spectators, which included two dogs.

“My third was a header, was it? Here boi, have you any Lucozade, I’m in bits,” confirmed the striker who rolled back the years to net his first hattrick in over 10 years. However, it is the 15th time this season he has played with a hangover.

The goals from Grotty came during the brief spells in the game when he wasn’t heaving with his hands on his knees, wishing he hadn’t ordered those shots.

“We had a delay to kick off which didn’t help,” Rovers Celtic United player-manager, 46-year-old Tommy Deelings told WWN Sport, “the pitch had to be lined and then we had to remove some vomit from the pitch which Liamo put there during the warm up. But we’re happy with his performance, we’re thinking of keeping him on the drink. The opposition for no match for our fairly average standard of football”.