Tag: covid

Local Woman Wins Covid Certificate For Life After Becoming Ireland’s 1 Millionth Case

FLANKED by clapping HSE staff as she made her way down the hall of her local health centre, Ireland’s one millionth Covid case was beaming with excitement as she was funneled into a special ceremony marking the country’s latest milestone. Presented with a specially framed platinum Covid certificate, Michelle Woods thanked everyone in attendance, stating… Read more »

NPHET Advise Publicans That If They Put Their Right Leg In, Their Right Leg Out, Their Right Leg In And Shake It All About, They Can Open

A NPHET spokesperson has today advised publicans that if they adhere to some specific new rules that were scientifically proven to ward of covid-19, that they will be allowed to open within the next few weeks, WWN has learned. Speaking with their mouths today, officials from the National Public Health Emergency Team laid out the… Read more »

Second Lockdown Inevitable, Confirms Some Lad In Shop

BREAKING news emanating from a local shop today has confirmed that a second national lockdown is absolutely inevitable, WWN can report without any hesitation. Sparking a media frenzy this morning, some random lad in Russell’s shop on Main Street made the announcement while waiting on a ham, cheese lettuce and coleslaw roll, before elaborating further… Read more »