It’s Not Violent Video Games, Movies Or Music; Your Kid Is Just A Little Bollocks

PARENTS are being informed that the current spate of ‘happy slap’ style attacks being shared on TikTok have nothing to do with their children listening to rap music or playing Grand Theft Auto, but are more down to the fact that their kids are just, y’know, bad.

Gardaí made the findings while investigating the current social media craze, where the assault of random innocent victims is being shared on the popular TikTok platform by gangs numbering in their dozens, some of whom have never even listened to Eminem.

“And Marilyn Manson hasn’t had a hit record in these kids’ lifetimes, so we had to rule him out as an influence on their behaviour too,” said a member of An Garda Síochána’s ‘little pups’ division.

“Then we ruled out both video games and video nasties, all the old reliables. It really does seem that there are kids out there who are simply unruly, bad-mannered pricks. Bold children – they didn’t go extinct, you know. Cowardly little fuckers. Kids and young adults who prefer to do more harm than good. Cunts, if you will. I’m running out of ways to say it here. It’s not rock n roll, it’s not Fortnite. Some of you have raised little cunts”.

Meanwhile the news has come as a shock to many parents, most of whom issued an incredulous ‘my child…?‘ upon hearing what their little darlings get up to.