Government Formation Hits Snag As FF & FG Remember They Fucking Hate Each Other

AS some frankly deranged voters claim Ireland had something called a ‘general election’ over 100 days ago comes the news that Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael’s attempts to form a government has hit a snag with both parties referring to one another as ‘that shower of corrupt untrustworthy bastards’.

“There’s nothing wrong with their eyesight anyway,” the public observed, shortly after the discord between the parties was sparked when FF’s Barry Cowan brought up FG government’s contingency plans for holding a possible second general election, with some in FF remarking the ‘backstabbing’ recalled the famous ‘Anglo Irish treaty’ backstabbing of yore.

“Oh, you wanna talk Anglo Irish, do you Cowan? How about your brother and Anglo Irish Bank, huh?” remarked Fine Gael’s Simon Coveney while opening up a switch blade knife like he was in the worst remake of West Side Story imaginable.

What followed was said to be a full 10 hours of both parties correctly pointing out what a disaster they have been and will continue to be for the Irish public.

“Now guys, I really think we all just need to take five and take a breath,” offered Green Party leader Eamon Ryan, playing peacemaker, as he suggested that a chakra cleansing meditative yoga workshop retreat would do wonders for both parties. Looking on helplessly through a window outside on the street Sinn Féin’s Mary Lou McDonald cried a single tear and mouthed ‘popular vote’ on repeat.

“This is confusing – Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael hate each other, but they clearly want to mount each other something rotten,” confirmed an endlessly frustrated Irish public, watching the steamy scenes of bristling sexual tension that TV ride-fest Normal People could only dream of.