POLITICAL protest has taken many guises over the years, and currently takes the form of a flying milkshake to the face of the politician that you’re currently most annoyed with.
Although nobody can pinpoint when exactly angry letters to a minister’s office became ballistic semi-frozen beverages, everybody can agree on one thing: it’s awesome and you should do it.
Here’s our guide.
1) Choose your milkshake wisely
Incredibly, several fast food outlets have banned the sale of milkshakes while divisive political figures are visiting the area. Make sure you can get to an outlet that is still serving milkshakes at the right time to ensure your milkshake is still cold as throwing lukewarm pink milk just doesn’t have the same kick to it. Also, make sure you make note of the places that refused to sell milkshakes on the days Nigel Farage or Tommy Robinson were in town, so you’ll know to avoid them in the future.
2) Aim for maximum coverage
A milkshake isn’t corrosive, or harmful; it’s just cold and messy. You may find yourself wondering if milk-shaking a politician is perhaps too violent a form of protest, but you can calm these thoughts by remembering Labour MP Jo Cox being shot to death by a right-wing asshole, which was followed by Nigel Farage stating Brexit was delivered ‘without a shot being fired’, and order an extra large.
3) Be prepared for a kicking
You’re wading into a McFlurry-flinging match against a bunch of right wing louts who won’t think twice about kicking the absolute shit out of you after you’ve doused their favourite dog whistler… so yeah, you’ll probably get a smack or two. But at least you protested against right-wing politics in a dignified, and more importantly, a hilarious manner.