“Jeffrey Would Have Loved These On The Island” Trump Overheard Saying During Immigration Cage Tour

“Look, aren’t those little beds just adorable for the kids? Jeffrey would have loved these on the island,” U.S. President Donald Trump was overheard saying Tuesday while touring a remote migrant detention facility deep in the Florida Everglades, unofficially dubbed ‘Alligator Alcatraz’.

“There were these great big sharks around Jeffrey’s island too. If anyone escapes here, they get the alligators. Biggest, nastiest alligators in the world,” he added, grinning and mimicking a snapping reptile with his hands, playfully lunging at a visibly unmoved secretary of homeland security, Kristi Noem.

With a history of caging children during his first term, Trump’s second administration has taken things up a notch – forcibly removing hundreds of migrant children already living in the U.S. from their homes, separating families, and making release increasingly difficult under the guise of ‘welfare checks’.

“I’ve learned from the best,” the 79-year-old beamed, glancing up and winking at the sky, before pausing and looking down instead. “You’re probably down there, you old dog. I’ll do you proud, old friend.”

“That’ll be one of those innocent coincidences,” remarked Trump when reporters asked in all his major campaign donors will secure the $45bn contracts to build more ICE detention centres.

According to federal sources, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has taken over 500 children into government custody since Trump’s return to office, with more than 2,500 currently held by the Office of Refugee Resettlement.

“That’s a lot of kids. I’m sure some will go missing along the way. So sad. Big problem. Huge,” Trump concluded his tour, before ordering one of his aides to get him a McDonalds.

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