Judge Asked To Take DJ Carey’s Current Injuries Into Account At Sentencing

HAVING PLEADED guilty to ten counts of defrauding a number of people out of money while pretending he had cancer, the legal team of former All-Star hurling legend DJ Carey have asked the judge to take into account his significant injuries when it comes to sentencing.

“Talk about bad luck judge, while trying to save a kitten from a high branch on the way to court, my client fell and well, as you can see, his injuries are substantial,” said one representative for Carey, who walked into court before changing into a full body cast and wheelchair.

Infamously featuring in a widely circulated selfie which depicted him with an iPhone charging cable plastered to his nose, representatives for Carey have asked that his injuries, severe in nature, be a mitigating factor leading to a lighter sentence.

“Not only will no one sign his full body cast, doctors whose phone numbers and names our client has since forgotten say he may never walk again, the full-bodied nature of the cast also means it’s much harder to fit a cable in his nostril and get a decent charge,” a representative explained.

While the court was not furnished with a dozen character references from GAA figures, it is believed they could be ready in time for sentencing in October.

“I’ll never forgive him,” said one man outside court who was forced by Carey to momentarily feel sympathy for one of the people he defrauded, billionaire Denis O’Brien.

Elsewhere, the gardaí have said they are proud of the force’s work in dismantling one part of the Carey Organised Crime Group and remain committed to shutting it down for good.

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