Dalai Lama Says He Plans To Reincarnate As Hot Blonde After His Death ‘To Reach Wider Audience’

NOT exactly one for all that Nirvana craic, the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism has announced that his next reincarnation will be a ‘hot, tanned white woman from the West’ in a bold rebrand aimed at helping the faith connect with a broader, more modern audience.

Lhamo Thondup, born July 6, 1935, and plucked from obscurity as a child to become the 14th Dalai Lama, says his soul is ‘sick of growing up in Tibet as a man’ and is looking to mix things up in his next life for a change.

“Tanned, about 5 foot 8, long natural blonde hair, 36B bust, size 6 waist, good buttocks – you know, a real stunner who can hop onto social media and really sell this thing,” the Dalai Lama explained in a recent interview. “It’s time Buddhism evolved.”

While his statements were met with stunned silence in some spiritual circles, the traditional team of monks responsible for locating the next reincarnation said they’re ready to rise to the challenge.

“Normally we’d find the successor within a couple of years – often in a small Himalayan village,” said one senior monk. “Now we’re talking international travel, likely LA or Ibiza, maybe some yoga retreat in Tulum. It’s going to be a longer process, but fun nonetheless.”

To aid their future search, the Dalai Lama offered some further details:

“She’ll probably like really hot girls, too – a lesbian. But, you know, a hot lesbian. Blue or green eyes. And a cute little mole just above the belly button. Yes, that’s it. That’s how you’ll know it’s me, the mole.”

However, there has been no comment yet from the Buddhist community on whether Tinder or Bumble will be involved in the reincarnation search process.