Other Watery Piss Alternatives Now Price Of Heineken Has Increased

IT’S the news no former private school student wanted to hear but a Heineken price hike has been confirmed.

The news was greeted with several Dubes being thrown through the windows of pubs in protest and more civil disobedience is expected as men with double barrel surnames go on hunger strike.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way, not with the wealth of solid Heineken alternatives freely available. Let WWN guide you through this tough time:

1) Goodbye Heinomite, hello your own piss. Water must be added to replicate the water-down flavourless taste so beloved by Ken drinkers.

2) Don’t trust you own piss? Build a secret funnel into the piss trough of the men’s jack at The Bridge 1859 which collects the urine of people who can still afford Heineken despite the price hike.

3) Gulp down some of Galway’s cryptosporidium-riddled water, the harmful bacteria laden water will have the same effects as Heineken; bleary vision, stomach cramps, diarrhea.

4) Hop House 13. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

5) Just do cocaine without the usual dozen Heinekens getting in the way.

6) Lukewarm Red Bull with a splash of septic tank water.

7) Any reputable lager drank via a tramp’s boot.

8) Sobriety HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.