Inside The Unrecorded Lobby Meeting Between The Anti-Cannabis Group And The Drugs Minister
WITH news that the Cannabis Risk Alliance (CRA) lobbied the junior minister responsible for the country’s drug strategy Frank Feighan without any notes or minutes recorded due to a loophole in the Lobbying Register, WWN has obtained secret transcripts of the meeting between Dr Ray Walley, Professor Mary Cannon, Dr Matthew Sadlier, Dr Bobby Smyth and Dr Hugh Gallagher on 26 January, 2021.
CRA: “Whasssssup, Frankie baby?”
FF: “Lads. what’s the fucking craic, these lockdowns eh? Enough to drive you to drink”
CRA: “Or weed… bahahahaha”
FF: “Just to confirm, no one’s recording this zoom meeting, right? You don’t need to record any meeting with me if none of you are working full-time at the Cannabis Risk Alliance”
CRA: “God no, handy loophole though”
FF: “Yeah, makes ya think who else is abusing it hahaha”
ALL PARTICIPANTS LAUGH
CRA: “Jesus, yeah, if this got out that we were all talking secretly to you, then us calling out the alcohol lobbyists actually registering the lobbying with politicians would look pretty hypocritical of us”
FF: “Don’t worry, that will never happen. Okay, so what have we this time round?”
CRA: “Well, we had a great idea to try stop cannabis being legalised and highlight the risks in the form of one of those RSA adverts. You know the ones were people get maimed and dead and stuff?”
FF: “Yeah, I know the ones… ‘can I tell you about my life… errrrcccchh’ [Minister Feighan sings song from old RSA ad while mimic driving before hilariously mimicking crash scene]”
CRA: “Hahaha spot on, exactly, yeah, only this time it’s not drink, it’s cannabis, and even more traumatic where the users brain explodes after smoking a joint, people strung out on the street begging, stealing handbags, that kind of thing”
FF: “Right! Sounds a bit extreme though?”
CRA: “Yeah, well cannabis is highly addictive and dangerous, so… “
FF: “Yeah, but, isn’t everything harmful if you do too much of it? Sure, you can be addicted to chocolate… “
EVERY MEMBER OF THE ALLIANCE CHASTISES THE MINISTER FOR HIS CASUAL REMARK FOR SEVERAL MINUTES BEFORE CONTINUING
FF: “Okay, okay, I get how passionate you guys are and want to be seen among your peers as being at the forefront of keeping it illegal – that’s great – but this cannabis thing is a real pain in my balls; the government don’t want to seem anti or pro weed and prohibition is only funding crime gangs here and forcing dangerously high cannabis into the black market. If we regulate its strength so it’s not so harmful to people and use the VAT proceeds from its sale to educate young people into the possible dangers, then surely thats the best road to take going forward?
EVERY MEMBER OF THE ALLIANCE CHASTISES THE MINISTER FOR HIS CASUAL REMARK FOR SEVERAL MINUTES BEFORE CONTINUING
FF: “All I’m saying is that cannabis seems to be helping a lot of people with a lot of different ailments, from epilepsy to anxiety and depression, taking them off harmful prescription drugs while also being an exit drug for some hard drug addicts as opposed to a gateway drug as stigmatised by a lot of opposers.
EVERY MEMBER OF THE ALLIANCE CHASTISES THE MINISTER FOR HIS CASUAL REMARK FOR SEVERAL MINUTES BEFORE CONTINUING
FF: “Aw fuck it, lads, look, I tell you what; we’ll keep fobbing this off until the next government comes in and has to deal with it, okay? Chat to you all again, I’m sure… of course, without registering it with the Lobbying Register bahahahaha”.
EVERYONE LAUGHS
CRA: “Thanks, Frank. Just keep the status quo and let us medical professionals decide everything – it’s never gone wrong in the past”.
CALL ENDS BEFORE DRUGS MINISTER ROLLS UP A BIG FAT ONE