Basic Bitch Doesn’t Even Have Her Nipple Pierced

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share
SHARES

A DUBLIN woman has been labelled a boring and most ‘basic’ of bitches by her peers after it emerged she doesn’t even have her nipple pierced.

Nipple piercing, which took over from tattoos, which took over from belly button piercing, which took over from eyebrow piercing, which took over from playing with matches as a child as the marker of someone who is liberated from the conventions and expectations put on a person by society remains the clearest indication that an individual is cool and couldn’t give a shite what you think about them.

Caoimhe Harty (23), owner of a pair of metal free nipples, continues to draw criticism for her unadventurous and conservative choice not to get her nipples pierced in an attempt to prove she’s not like everyone else.

“You have to stand out to fit in and I’m actually embarrassed for Caoimhe’s nipples, not gonna lie,” explained Harty’s former friend Jess O’Hara, “like how are people supposed to know she doesn’t play by anyone’s rules or demands?”

“I’m an unpredictable wildcard, I got the nips done once it became clear loads of people were doing it to stand out from the crowd and how they aren’t bound by the constraints placed on us by society, that’s when I knew I had to blindly follow them,” shared O’Hara.

Caoimhe, for her part, has said she may try to appease her peer group and reach a compromise by tattooing the inside of one of her vital organs instead.

ONE MORE THING: Like what WWN does and think Satire (known in Ireland as 'taking the piss') is worth supporting as we face the threat of legal action, the permanently offended and 'Big Tech'?

We're not arrogant enough to think we make the world a better place (that's the job of megalomaniacal dictators) but a small contribution of €5/$5 a month from readers can enable us to keep doing what we're doing, and what's more is we'll give exclusive bonus content and offers to our supporters.

WWN's least favourite phrase in the English language is 'they only love you when you're gone' so help keep us going if you can.

Signing up is easy and done HERE.
Comments ( 1 )
Share what you think.
Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share