Denis O’Brien Warned That He May Suffer Withdrawal Symptoms If He Doesn’t Sue Someone Soon


BELOVED business tycoon Denis O’Brien has been advised by medical practitioners that he should sue someone as early as possible, or he may start to suffer from withdrawal symptoms.

It has been at least a week since O’Brien, 57, placed a cease-and-desist order on a member of the public or a media outlet, which has led to feelings of light-headedness, nausea and powerlessness.

O’Brien, widely considered to be one of Ireland’s nicest and most morally upstanding citizens, has been involved in a number of high-profile legal actions against everyone from standing TDs to noteworthy internet-only publications in the past 12 months.

The lawsuits are not something that O’Brien enjoys, but they are part-and-parcel of the daily operations of a loveable billionaire. A spokesperson for no-one in particular has urged Mr. O’Brien to consider his health when deciding to sue somebody or not.

“You can’t just sue everyone one day and then not sue somebody the next,” said Ciaran Harrisson, a man we spoke to.

“It’s like hitting a wall. Your body gets used to you taking legal action for things like your privacy being encroached on, or because it was a Tuesday. I urge Mr. O’brien, for the sake of all us Irish people that love him, to sue someone as quickly as possible”.

Breaking: WWN has just learned that Mr. O’Brien is to launch a lawsuit against the Revenue Commissioners in regards to a breach of his privacy surrounding his tax affairs. This action should be enough to save off withdrawal symptoms for at least a fortnight.