Waterford Armed Forces Bombard Kilkenny Rebels In Battle For Ferrybank

WATERFORD armed forces have today bombarded rebel strongholds in the north of the city this morning in their latest bid to reclaim the disputed Ferrybank region from the grasp of Kilkenny fundamentalists.

Airstrike’s pounded key locations on the hill, forcing the rebels to retreat into civilian areas, with some reports on the ground stating that they are using Waterford children and GAA players as human shields.

So far 367 casualties have been reported in the region, many of those innocent civilians who had no opinion either way in the ongoing dispute.

“We just want to live in peace here without all this fighting,” said 8-year-old Amir Hassan, who moved to Ferrybank from Iraq in 2011 with his family, “Who cares about county borders here? We’re living on a tiny island here. How is this ridiculousness even possible?”

The Blue and White Helmets, known locally as the Waterford Civil Defence, have stated that as many as 58 civilians have been killed in this morning’s airstrike’s on Ferrybank, with more expected over the coming weeks.

“This is our land because we live here and support the Kilkenny hurling team,” said John Paul Phelan, leader of the Kilkenny Indigenous Society In Slieverue (KISIS), “We will stop at nothing to defend what is rightfully ours. God is great!”

The 5,827 acre area, which generates an annual revenue of €110 million in agriculture and thoroughbred hurlers for the Kilkenny regime, has long been disputed by both sides. Sources on the ground believe hurlers are the real goal here, with Kilkenny producing 1,200 barrels of hurlers a day.