Motorists Urged To Drive Like Absolute Lunatics In Wet Road Conditions

THE National Road Safety Authority has urged motorists to drive like absolute fucking lunatics in wet road conditions today.

Gardaí have also asked all road users to exercise extreme disregard for the weather and to drive as recklessly as humanly possible.

Chief Superintendent Michael Murray told WWN that people should ignore all warnings and drive as fast as they can through flooding.

“If you are travelling under 120km an hour you are likely to get stuck in the flood,” he said. “The key is to make sure you’re going fast enough to skim across the water like a large stone.”

Careful drivers caused widespread disruption for rush-hour commuters across Dublin earlier this morning. Motorists have now been urged to shunt slower vehicles off the road and out of harm’s way.

“It is imperative these vehicles are removed as quickly as possible to avoid further delays,” added Mr Murray.

The RSA confirmed that no road was impassable due to flooding and stressed that it was up to individual drivers to grow a pair of balls and tackle standing water head-on at speed.

AA Roadwatch also stated that drivers are “going soft these days” and suggested anyone unwilling to challenge a flood out of fear should be forced to display ‘CS plates’, for driving like chicken shits.