On This Day 1951: Godzilla Lays Waste To Limerick

NORMALLY resident in Tokyo, Japanese kaiju, the beastly reptilian gargantuan known as ‘Godzilla’ is today laying waste to Limerick.

Women and children are advised to avoid O’Connell Street, Bedford Row and Cruises Street while all able bodied men are asked to gather rocks and debris and begin throwing this detritus at the thick-hided terroriser.

“He’ll tire himself out, this is no different to when we held the Fianna Fáil ard fheis last year. Chaos but manageable chaos,” commented mayor Kevin Bradshaw, seeking to calm the jitters of all those now screaming and running for cover.

One man was severely injured after he attempted to impale the beast in the toe with a fork.

“Exploratory work on excavating the Moyross site on the Northside of the city appears to have disturbed the beast and he remains angered. Attempts to reason with the thing as proven about as successful as getting a Cork man to change the topic of conversation from Cork,” chief engineer Cyril Sultan told Waterford Whispers News.

“He’s fairly horsing into those buildings,” confirmed one onlooker.

The final sum of damage will become clear in the coming days. For now, the safety advisory to remain clear of Limerick is active.

“One strategy we’re fully exploring is lying to the beast and telling him some reprobates up in Dublin have called its mother a slimy wench of ill repute,” shared one person part of the emergency response.