A Complete List Of Things The Irish Public Would Choose Over Having Bertie Ahern As President

SPECULATION PERSISTS that the former bank account phobic Fianna Fáil Taoiseach will make a tilt at the presidency.

WWN canvassed opinion on the streets of Ireland and the answer was definitive, many people are so opposed to the notion of Bertie Ahern running for president they’d sooner choose the following:

Cock rot.

England’s men’s football team winning the next 10 world cups.

Having their house burned down. (For voters with no hope of owning a home, their tent burned down.)

The 99 machine always being out of order on hot summer days.

Win the lotto but then losing the ticket down a drain which happens to be located just above a state of the art pulping machine.

A punch in the face. From the lad who played the Mountain on Game of Thrones. And he’s just been told you drowned his puppy. Did we mention he’d been hitting the steroids recently? And received pointers on his punching technique from Oleksandr Usyk?

An electric saw up the sphincter that is activated every time you sneeze.

Have breath that smelled like a dead badger curled up in the arsehole of an elephant with chronic diarrhea.

A year of being stuck in traffic on the M50. Next to someone playing the same song Cascada song on repeat.

Be on the end of a witches curse which makes you someone who says ‘do you know what I mean?’ at the end of every sentence.

Kim Jong Un getting his hands on nukes. And being told the people of Ireland called him a ‘fugly slut with no style’.

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