“We’ve Just Won An Election So There’s No Need To Give Families Help With Cost Of Living Measures In The Budget”

THE GOVERNMENT has this week busy trying to temper expectations that the upcoming budget this year will contain something other than misery, with members of the coalition citing the fact there isn’t an election therefore they don’t have to bribe the public.

“C’mon be grown up and reasonable, what sort of government would include one-off expensive measures to help people with cost of living which have been rubbished by every economic body as a reckless short-term vote-getter when there isn’t even an election for another 4 years?” shared the coalition leaders, in a media address on the current economic landscape.

The government pointed out the time for making claims of helping people that they’d renege on was before the election when parties said they’d cap childcare, not now when they have another four years of coasting while doing nothing to do.

“We must be stubbornly sensible, being careful with the public purse is our patriotic duty which we take seriously… until there’s an election in the offing and we need you goldfish brained voters to think we’re helping you out with a few giveaways, then we’re shitting money out of every orifice,” confirmed a source close to the Minister for Finance.

The focus, the government has claimed, must now be on forward planning with special attention paid to infrastructure projects.

“Now remember, they’ll be the infrastructure projects we haven’t actually started that we’ll be banging on about in the run up to the next election, and once the election is over and we’re back in power, we’ll inform you are no longer going ahead due to a depressing global economic picture,” concluded Taoiseach Micheál Martin.

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