Woman Spends Day Scrolling Property Sites, Pretending She Won Euromillions

IMAGINING the intoxicating freedom of being able to snap up any luxury home in one of the world’s most overpriced property markets, Ashling Kennedy, 27, scrolled through Irish property websites like a freshly minted quarter-billionaire, having pretended she won last night’s Euromillions jackpot.

“Lucky bastards could buy anything they wanted with €250 million. Jesus, that’s far too much money for one person I hope it was a syndicate,” she mused, abruptly closing her browser as her supervisor passed her desk – a moment that made her wish she’d scheduled today as a remote work day dedicated to fantasy property browsing.

“Vico Road… wow. Look at that view,” she sighed internally. “I can see myself out in that pristine garden, sipping something fancy while the sun sets over Bray Head. Maybe I’d buy a place in Dublin and another abroad. Fuck it – I’d buy all the houses.”

Her reverie was abruptly ended by the ding of a work email, dragging her back to capitalist reality.

“I’d buy a house for my whole family… no, terrible idea. I’d tell no one and keep the same job,” she recalibrated, the hypothetical stress of sudden wealth setting in. “Best to stay quiet. They’d be hounding me. It’d ruin them. They’d all treat me different. Too messy altogether.”

Her fantasy now fully spiraled into existential dread, Kennedy reconsidered everything. “No. I’d just get a modest apartment and a sensible car. It’d be handy to have the money there… just in case.”

By lunch time, she had already closed Daft.ie and was browsing yacht listings on marine websites, her financial humility already showing signs of collapse.