Lurking Long Enough At A Flat Viewing That You Get To Sleep There For The Night, A Guide

YOU’RE desperate for a room to rent. €1200 a month will financially cripple you. This is Dublin 2025.

But it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom if you’re smart and willing enough to think outside the box.

There are over 800 properties currently to rent in Dublin right now. Not enough or too much? You’re asking the wrong questions. Don’t ask, act! That’s 800 apartment viewings for you to attend and take advantage of.

Once the estate agent is done lying to you about the fact there is no mold in any of the bedrooms, the sheer number of competitors at this viewing for the apartment will swarm him, stinking of desperation. With the estate agent distracted that’s your queue to head for the nearest bedroom and get the head down.

Quickly take note of the wallpaper in the rental, take out your palette of paints (if we didn’t mention before you will need a collect Dulux colour wheel full of paint on you at all times) and paint yourself to match the wall. Blend in to the wall and don’t move until you’re certain the estate agent has left for the evening. Now all that’s left to do is enjoy a nice night’s sleep.

Aren’t particularly good at replicating the exact patterns of staid old wallpaper patterns that have been on a wall since the early 90s? There is another alternative:

800 rentals = 800 strategic micro-naps. At 5 minute per nap that’s an average of 66 hours sleep a week or 9 hours per night. Paying to rent somewhere is starting to sound like an outdated and ridiculous concept, isn’t it?

With this bastard of a government bowing to pressure from do-gooders and closing off ‘sex-for-rent’ arrangements you’ve less chance at securing a permanent place to live in so if this isn’t a viable option we don’t know what is.

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