Putin Calls Zelensky A Coward For Being Willing To Meet For Peace Talks

“WOW how stupid and weak does he look right now, I challenged him to meet directly for peace talks, he agreed, and then because I clearly don’t want peace I backed out. What a coward he is, right guys?” Vladimir Putin was heard to say this morning, to agreeable laughter from his cabinet as they nervously stared at the floor.

Putin’s remarks come after the Russian leader failed to show in Turkey for peace talks with Volodymyr Zelensky that he first proposed.

“He’s going to Turkey while I stay here in my bunker, even knowing I’ll try to assassinate him, is there anything more pathetic than people your people’s safety and prosperity ahead of your own?” added Putin, now looking around the room for a positive reaction from his yes men.

The internationally wanted war criminal who has bombed hospitals and kidnapped children has instead sent an envoy on his behalf Vladimir Medinsky to attend, trusting him to scupper all attempts at a lasting peace.

“But sir, it may not hurt to go? Show you’re not afraid. You will be safe, you’re the only one who shoots down planes, you’re not going to shoot yourself down are you, haha. Plus, you can your get next round of botox much cheaper there,” spoke up one aide, who will develop sudden onset depression and fascination with open windows on the 12th floor in the coming minutes.

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