US Tariffs Could Lead To Increase In ‘Exciting New Chapter’ LinkedIn Posts, Dept Of Finance Warns

SUCH IS THE overwhelming impact of a ‘worst case scenario’ of US imposed tariffs on EU goods here in Ireland, the Department of Finance has warned LinkedIn could become flooded with people posting ‘exciting new chapter’ posts on the business networking platform in a bid to disguise the fact they have been let go by their employer and are devastated.

With Minister for Finance Paschal Donohoe stating a failure to agree a US/EU trade deal could cost Ireland 75,000 jobs but the real true devastation will be not economic but rather emotional as people with the ability to read will be forced to cast their eyes upon online statuses from newly unemployed people which scream ‘impending midlife crisis’.

“This could be like a cringe, faux-inspirational banal-business-bullshit status posting apocalypse. Like the Diary of a CEO was interviewing a mental breakdown. It won’t be pretty, but you will be able to see right through someone putting on a brave face and claiming they always wanted to ‘try a new direction’ and that is was ‘time for a change’,” warned head of the Dept of Finance’s ‘Everything is Fine’ unit.

“I was lost in the ‘grind’ and while it was great, I’ve decided to drop the ‘gr’ and say ‘F to that’ and ‘find’ myself,” will be just one of the many incomprehensible LinkedIn updates people will debase themselves writing in an effort to disguise any trace of hurt or fear at being unceremoniously cast aside by their employer.

LinkedIn users are also being told to brace for posts from newly unemployed men who will have discovered they have children.

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