Government Starting To Suspect Forgotten Rural Town With No Amenities Not Open To Taking Hundreds Of Asylum Seekers

“SO, YOU’RE telling me the same rural towns and villages we’ve let rot for over a decade aren’t thrilled about us dumping a few hundred asylum seekers there? What’s their bleedin’ problem?” an unnamed government source was overheard saying earlier today, as yet another town voiced concern over a proposed IPAS centre.

“You’d think they’d be glad of the company. Maybe if they voted in some decent politicians, we’d actually listen,” the conversation continued, as government advisors pored over the Irish map in search of more forgotten towns where they could quietly house people seeking asylum out of sight and out of mind.

“Ah-ha! This crumbling hotel in Tipp looks ideal. We could squeeze 300 in there and throw the owner €76 a head per night… Oh wait – scratch that – it’s Lowry’s constituency. He’d get absolutely ate alive. Not to worry, there’s plenty of Shinner-voting, nationalist shitholes we can use that won’t harm our ballot boxes come next election.”

With no shortage of ‘suitable’ IPAS locations thanks to huge declining tourist visitor numbers over the past 5 years, the government pondered if the continuing strategy of pricing out small businesses with extortionate council rates, energy bills and lack of supports may also be contributing to the rural folk’s discontent.

“Sure, most of these towns are ghost zones littered with ‘To Let’ signs, rough sleepers, organised begging gangs, derelict properties, and the odd vape shop or phone repair place – but what do they expect us to do, our jobs?” the conversation reportedly ended to howls of laughter.