What Local Woman Wouldn’t Give To Be Carried In Rihanna’s Womb For 9 Months

A LOCAL Dublin woman has spent the day entirely unfocused in work, preoccupied by the knowledge that Rihanna is pregnant with her third child with A$AP Rocky.

“Oh to be that child ensconced in the womb of our lord and saviour Rihanna,” confirmed office worker Norah O’Brien wistfully, of the singer and Fenty mogul’s unborn child who currently resides rent free in the 37-year-old Barbadian.

Rihanna revealing to the world on the Met Gala red carpet that she is pregnant has sparked a flood of people to place on record their near-toxic levels of envy.

“Ugh, jealous, not a care in the world AND at 10 weeks I’d develop eyelids so I could see it all. At 12 weeks I could make a fist and slap along to Pon de Replay,” added O’Brien, who instead of being Rihanna’s progeny had to sit through another soul-shatteringly boring meeting with James from sales.

O’Brien remarked she meant no disrespect to her parents Deirdre and Martin, but admitted that all forthcoming day dreams in work would be dedicated to imagining how different her life would be if she was Rihanna’s child and not a 28-year-old Irish woman from Kinsealy.

“If they had the technology you know, to shrink a human woman down and back into fetal form and place them in the womb of the performer behind Bitch Better Have My Money and Work, I’d do it no questions asked,” concluded O’Brien, who admitted she hasn’t much going on at the minute.

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