Rescue Workers Hampered By Number Of People With Tongues Stuck To Lampposts

VOLUNTEERS and rescue service workers have lamented the fact their valuable resources during the cold snap has largely been taken up by idiots who couldn’t resist testing the ‘bet it’s not cold enough to freeze my tongue to this pole’ theory.

“This squandered time freeing eejits recreating Dumb and Dumber is time we should be spending rescuing significantly bigger eejits who decided to drive up impassable mountain roads from a ditch,” a visibly angry rescue worker Gary Hanney told WWN.

Hot meals delivered to those still without power, clearing roadways and other efforts remain hampered by those unable to suppress idiotic urges innate in all human beings.

“We had to take one lad to hospital after his missus thought getting the kettle out would help to defrost his tongue from the pole,” added Hanney, who pushed back at people’s mocking of what many view as excessive weather warnings.

“We don’t have enough warnings if you ask me. We need a ‘stay indoors warning for all empty headed idiots’, ‘don’t go for a walk just to test how icy the paths are warning’ and a ‘don’t use a blow torch to thaw out nearby power lines'”.

The HSE has also reiterated its commitment to treating everyone who presents at A&E but confirmed that doesn’t mean they can’t call someone who froze their bollocks off trying to skinny dip in a frozen over lake ‘a gobshite’.

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