‘Fuck That’ Senior Hezbollah Figures Decide Not To Bother Announcing New Leader

SENIOR Hezbollah members have decided they are in no rush to announce any new leaders at the moment citing ‘ongoing restructuring’ at the militant organisation, with even themselves not knowing who’s in charge, but are happy to continue, nonetheless.

“That whole structure thing is so outdated,” one spokesman for the group stated at a secret meeting in what’s left of Beirut this morning, making sure to point out that he wasn’t a leader or anything and was ‘just saying’.

The reluctance to elect a figurehead comes after a series of successful assassinations by Israeli military via a method of countless airstrikes on densely populated areas in the Lebanese capital which has wiped out any Hezbollah member who has stepped up to lead the group.

“Fuck that,” echoed another member at the meeting when it was suggested that someone should probably lead the group, “surely there’s an AI app or something we can use to lead, something a little less fleshy and prone to dying all the time”.

Stumped as to their next course of action, a unanimous show of hands agreed to not publicly announce anyone for the time being and just let Allah lead the way as a text message notification on one phone startled the entire room into a jump scare.

“Sorry for frightening the shit out of you with the phone there lads, but I’ve just gotten word they’ve just killed Allah,” one member confirmed.