“Colonising Mars”: Things That’ll Happen Before ‘All-Ireland Rail Plan’ Is Completed

THE LAUNCH of ambitious all-Ireland rail proposals by Minister for Transport Eamon Ryan and his Northern Ireland counterpart Minister John O’Dowd has been met with predictable howls of doubt from the public.

WWN has used complex predicative models which confirm what future advances in life will be achieved long before the Irish transport network actually adds 200km train lines and more direct services between Ireland’s West and South Coasts by its supposed 2050 completion date:

Colonising mars

9 out of 10 dentists finally convince the one remaining holdout to recommend Colgate’s new toothpaste.

Humanity grows out of its ‘person on street interviews people with tiny microphone’ phase.

A person from Cork achieving a state of humility.

The invention of the non-drip tea bag.

The subsequent Israeli annexation of mars.

Time travel.

The reboot of HBO’s old classic Euphoria films its final series starring Zendenya’s granddaughter.

Humans replacing opposable thumbs and developing ‘unopposable thumbs’; thumbs which are intellectually superior in all forms of debate.

The snack trolley returns to all train services.

Ryanair’s monopolisation of the time travel industry. Baggage charges apply.

GTA 6 through to GTA 46 will be released.

The horny milfs in your area from those ads grow tired waiting for you and finally move on.

Noel and Liam Gallagher finally bury the hatchet. Liam denies any involvement despite police finding his finger prints on the hatchet.

Ireland’s men’s football team finally quality for the World Cup again in its extended 214 team tournament after taking the place of the island nation of Kiribati, who can no longer participate due to sinking into the sea thanks to rising sea levels.

Energy conversion technology which takes the anger of commuters and uses it to spontaneously combust people playing Tiktoks outloud on public transport.

The rollout of self-driving cars which have human’s in-built disregard and hostility towards cyclists.

Scissors no longer come in plastic packaging that requires a scissors to open them.

We design & sell funny t-shirts, mugs, hoodies and more to help keep the lights on. Check them out here www.waterfordwhispers.shop