Lad In Pub Smoking Area Demonstrating 18 Different Ways He’d Kill A Man If It Came To It

NOT SEEMING to belong to any of the groups currently taking up residence on benches in the smoking area of O’Mangan’s Pub in Waterford, local man Fez O’Neill has taken it upon himself to put on a free self-defence class.

Keen to demonstrate all the ways he’d kill a man despite no one asking and everyone actively trying to avoid catching his gaze, O’Neill confirmed you can’t go wrong with a classic.

“The palm, straight into the bridge of the assailant’s nose, forcefully now, this is killed or be killed stuff,” explained an out of breath O’Neill who despite being restricted by a too small denim jacket exhibited the full force of his killing machine potential.

O’Neill then invited anyone in the smoking area to mimic an aggressive attack as he could show how easy it would be for him to use the ashtray in his hand to incapacitate them before decorating the wall with their brains.

“Really? No one interested in learning this stuff? Mark my words you’ll be crying out for me the day some random cunt starts getting in your face in a pub,” said an animated O’Neill, who alluded to secretive work he claimed to have carried out for international security services in the past.

“Now, these are the arteries you’d want to be jabbing with your improvised sword made from a pint glass,” continued O’Neill mimicking a series of precise slashing motions while exhaling in a manner he believed a samurai would.