How You Can Help Ireland Beat South Africa
IT’S the crunch World Cup pool B clash that the rugby fraternity has been anticipating since the draw was made. Reigning champions South Africa against world no.1’s Ireland.
For Irish fans it will be a nail-biting affair watched from the comfort provided by hiding behind a cushion. But Irish people needn’t feel so helpless, here’s some simply ways we can harness our collective power and transmit that the Irish team:
Send Tadhg Furlong emergency potato supplies. Throw them onto the pitch if you’re going to the game or operate a long distance catapult (Potatopult™).
Get a ‘some of the greatest horseplay of all time’ back tattoo. Full length back tattoo.
If it isn’t already, make your surname double barrel.
Burst a bollock shouting ‘heave’ from your couch.
Pray to BOD.
Conduct a seance with the ghost of Nelson Mandela and try to convert him into an Irish fan.
Mock South Africa’s 7-1 split*.
*Figure out what the fuck that means.
Repeatedly say ‘we’ve got do better at the breakdown’ if Ireland are under pressure.