How You Can Help Ireland Beat South Africa


IT’S the crunch World Cup pool B clash that the rugby fraternity has been anticipating since the draw was made. Reigning champions South Africa against world no.1’s Ireland.

For Irish fans it will be a nail-biting affair watched from the comfort provided by hiding behind a cushion. But Irish people needn’t feel so helpless, here’s some simply ways we can harness our collective power and transmit that the Irish team:

Send Tadhg Furlong emergency potato supplies. Throw them onto the pitch if you’re going to the game or operate a long distance catapult (Potatopult™).

Get a ‘some of the greatest horseplay of all time’ back tattoo. Full length back tattoo.

If it isn’t already, make your surname double barrel.

Burst a bollock shouting ‘heave’ from your couch.

Pray to BOD.

Conduct a seance with the ghost of Nelson Mandela and try to convert him into an Irish fan.

Mock South Africa’s 7-1 split*.

*Figure out what the fuck that means.

Repeatedly say ‘we’ve got do better at the breakdown’ if Ireland are under pressure.