“We Can’t Solve Housing Crisis Overnight But We Can Crush Your Spirit In 30 Seconds Flat”


RINGING IN the new year, the coalition government has reminded the nation that it will continue to state that the housing crisis can’t be solved over night in the year 2023, carrying on a trend begun by Fine Gael in 2011.

“Whenever a depressing stat appears, a target is missed or house price increased, we’ll remind you all for the 12th year or 4380th day in a row, the housing crisis can’t be solved over night so maybe just be patient,” confirmed a spokesperson for the coalition.

Contrasting greatly to their inability to steer the housing market in a positive direction overnight over the span of 12 years, the Fine Gael fronted coalition added that when it comes to spirit crushing that’s much easier.

“Oh okay, now here is something we can be fast acting on. Does your kid need some basic yet essential surgery? We’ve got the soul-sapping waiting list for you,” beamed the spokesperson, more comfortable speaking on something they’re familiar with.

“Elderly parent need a hospital bed? We’ll drive you to a murderous rage as you watch them sit on a trolley for three days. We can do this all day folks, name something the State should provide and we’ll come up empty handed,” continued the coalition mouthpiece.

The coalition stressed that no matter how flagrant their attempts to gut planning laws in favour of developers of office blocks and hotels appears, it would be a mistake to assume they could do anything for anyone expecting the State to build a home.