Only A Cruel God Would Fail Man’s First NCT In 4 Years

IT was cancelled due to Covid, rescheduled due to holidays and ignored for as long as possible, but the time has finally come for Waterford man Eric Gowan to finally bite that NCT bullet this weekend.

“Surely they couldn’t fail me after all this time, right? They have to pass me to ease me back into the process,” pleaded Gowan, trying to remember whether or not he has to take the child seats out of the back of his 2011 Skoda or not.

“What else do I have to do for the test, I can barely remember. Powerwash the underside, empty the boot and… what else? Warm the seats? Make sure the Magic Tree is kicking out a fresh scent? Write the third secret of Fatima on the dirty back window? Christ, I wish I’d never learned how to drive!”

Gowan’s NCT marks the 45 year-old’s final full re-emergence into the world following the pandemic, being the last thing that was cancelled or postponed when the world shut down for two years.

“Every wedding that was delayed, has been attended. Any concert that got called off, the band has come round on tour again. And now, my NCT is due,” sighed Gowan, who has had months to prepare for his appointment and still hasn’t fixed the rear windscreen wiper.

“If I’m stopped by the cops I can’t say ‘oh sorry officer, you know yourself, Covid meant I couldn’t NCT the car’. You know, the pandemic was horrific, but I think we’ll look back at it and say that it was one of the best times of our lives. From an NCT point of view, at least”.