Revealed: The Only Things The Government Aren’t Using Covid As An Excuse For

WITH the Dept of Culture blaming Covid for a delay in the rollout of supports for nightlife businesses and venues, the list of things the government hasn’t used Covid as an excuse for continues to dwindle at an alarming rate.

After conducting some research WWN discovered the last remaining issues and areas in Irish life which remain free of Covid blame shifting:

NIGHTCLUB TOILETS

The government has conceded that the Olympic swimming pool sized quantities of urine on the floor and graffiti clad walls looking like Pete Davidson’s tattoo collection are not Covid’s fault rather the result of staff not being arsed cleaning up.

Similarly all that sniffing you hear in the cubicles is not a Covid symptom.

HOUSING CRISIS

Government records show there is no shortage of affordable housing so has no clue what you’re talking about.

ROBBIE WILLIAMS LEAVING TAKE THAT

The government concedes while it was regrettable at the time and the band were worse off without him, Covid was only partially to blame for Williams pursuing a solo career in the 90s.

THE AMOUNT OF TRAILERS BEFORE MOVIES IN THE CINEMA

A tragedy, yes. A pain the hole, absolutely. But Covid’s fault? No.

ENDING THE PUP

They’re actually quite proud of this and are keen to take the credit.

THE COST OF LIVING

A probably for more than decade the government was quite happy to blame Covid, but have now shifted the blame onto the war in Ukraine. The government have not ruled out transitioning from a ‘Covid is to blame’ scapegoating system to a ‘Ukrainian refugee situation is to blame’ system.