“We Need Affordable Housing, But If My Home’s Value Drops By One Euro I’ll Burn This Fucking Country To The Ground”
LOCAL HOMEOWNER Liam Currens is acutely aware of the damage rising house prices are having on the first time buyers’ prospects and is joining a growing number of homeowners calling for radical housing market interventions by the government with one small caveat.
“My heart breaks for people like that, my own daughter included, which is why I back a dramatic rethinking of housing in Ireland that’ll deliver affordable housing. It’s clear the government sides with speculators and foreign investors over people, fresh thinking is needed, but if any of them so much as nip a single euro off the prices in my area I’ll go full Rambo on everyone. No one will be spared,” Currens said, issuing a steely death stare.
Currens observed that once upon a time house prices were at a loan to income ratio of 3.5 times a single person’s gross salary but today’s market seems geared towards providing foreign pension funds with high rent yield over a period of 40 or 50 years.
“What a broken system; couples earning €100k plus priced out of Dublin, outbid by funds. Prices up over 14% in a year outside Dublin. It’s soul eroding for the people, but at the same time if my own home which I bought for €205k drops a cent below its valuation today of €585k I will unleash a fury so violent it will take the army to stop me,” added Currens.
Currens’ heart-rending plea for politicians to step up is part of the growing solidarity witnessed across the country as pressure to pursue genuine efforts to address the housing crisis grows.
“I’m not asking for the impossible; I want house prices to rise in value and never stop rising and I also want the younger generation to be able to afford homes. We need to give these kids a hand and I’ll write to my local TDs to explain how I’ll vote them the fuck out if any solution involves a dent in value for my home and the one I rent out across the city,” Currens stated.
“I will wreak havoc so unspeakably horrifying and catastrophically vicious it will render all those who witness it a haunted husk of a human being. I will stretch out your entrails so they become strings on the cello I’ve made from your corpse,” concluded Currens, pointing to a shed in his garden marked ‘weapons depot – open in case of drop in housing prices’.