Australian Archbishop Who Covered Up Child Sex Abuse Sentenced To 44 Our Fathers, 12 Hail Marys


A FORMER Australian archbishop has been handed down a staggering 24 Our Fathers and 5 Hail Marys after being convicted of covering up child sex abuse, but managed to escape several decades of the rosary due to his age.

A Newcastle Magistrate ordered Adelaide Archbishop Philip Wilson to be detained at his sister’s house for at least six months, where he is expected to undergo his penance of prayer and reflection, before he is eligible for parole.

“It’s going to take him absolutely ages to recite all those prayers,” a Vatican spokespriest stated, before addressing the church’s reasons for not sacking the still ordained archbishop, “we could have officially excommunicated him, but then he wouldn’t be obliged to serve out his penance of 44 Our Fathers and 12 Hail Marys, so our hands were officially tied in that regard”.

Wilson was found guilty in May of failing to report the repeated abuse of two altar boys by paedophile priest James Fletcher during the 1970s, circumstances all too familiar in Catholic parishes worldwide.

Speaking ahead of his visit to Ireland this month, Pope Francis called on the Irish clergy to try their very best to keep themselves out of the news following reports that a south Dublin priest has stepped aside from his duties while historical allegations are investigated.

“If you guys could keep tight lipped for another couple of weeks on any scandals you have brewing over there, that would be great,” a statement from the Pope to the Irish dioceses read, “there’s nothing worse than visiting a once Church oppressed country in peak child sex abuse season – my PR team is already stretched as it is”.