New Eir Owner Put On Hold For 40 Minutes


Despite his protestations, which included pointing out he had just paid €1 billion for a majority stake in the telecommunications company, French billionaire Xavier Niel was immediately put on hold for 40 minutes, WWN understands.

Guiding himself through a number of options on an automated phone system, which encouraged him to press a number based on his needs, Niel pressed 9 for ‘I now own this company’ but was instead greeted by confirmation he had pressed the ‘billing query’ option.

Whatever frustration began to bubble at the thought he had fallen foul of an Irish internet provider’s flawless customer service soon went away when Niel heard the voice of one of his employees, who carefully assured him ‘sorry, on hold there’ in a gruff manner before diverting him to awful music.

Unbeknownst to Niel he was then transferred through 8 different departments before being placed back on hold.

“Jesus, I just want to the wifi code for my office,” Niel pleaded, but was instead subjected to all too short loop of music, that if exposed to for any longer than five minutes, has been scientifically proven to drive people insane.

Niel’s purchase of Eir values the company at €3.5 billion, however, his ascension to owner of the company has failed to help him make contact with a member of the customer care team and cost him three separate phones as he pulverised them into smithereens as his frustration increased.

After some 40 minutes on hold, Neil was left red-faced when he realised he could have saved himself some time if he just used the online chat service which removes all the hassle of being stuck on hold. A customer care innovation which has revolutionised the way Irish customers lose their patience.

Neil is expected to reach maximum irritation when he discovers the chat service is either down, or all operators are busy before the website prompts him to ring the number of the dedicated customer care team.