Trump To Cut US Debt By Spending $54bn Extra On Military

PRESIDENT DONALD Trump’s relentless desire to reduce America’s debt has received a huge boost as he outlined plans to increase spending on the world’s biggest military by $54 billion.

In an address that precedes his first formal speech before congress, President Trump took credit for all positive things currently happening in America, including the laughter of children and the first flourishes of love between new couples.

Attempting to reduce his country’s debt, Trump will slash funding from superfluous pursuits such as education, science, poverty prevention and the environment, programs which are treasured by Trump’s Democratic rivals who would like nothing more than to see America reduced to ashes at the hands of the perpetrators of the Bowling Green Massacre and recent Swedish terror attack.

Trump also flatly denied there are any negatives that could be associated with his administration, and rejected the claim that he inherited a non-mess from Barack Obama.

“Not true, when good numbers go up, that’s thanks to me, when numbers go down that are the kind of numbers that you don’t want to go down, then that is the fault of other people,” the leader explained.

Reporters in attendance tentatively posited that while Trump has had success in business, macroeconomics were not his strong suit, prompting the now irritated leader to point out adding numbers was a particular strength of his.

“13 plus 4 equals 17, 18 plus 14 equals 32… I can do this all day folks,” Trump added.