“I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Pig” – David Cameron

FLANKED by his wife Samantha, prime minister of Great Britain, David Cameron took to the path outside 10 Downing Street this morning to refute allegations he had placed his genitals in the mouth of a pig, making him just the 11th prime minister to make such a denial.

The accusations were contained in a biography written by former Cameron ally Lord Ashcroft, and such was the damaging nature of the claims Mr. Cameron sought to quell any intrigue or further rumours by addressing the world’s media shortly after 9am this morning.

“I did not have sexual relations with that pig,” Mr. Cameron said, denying the claims that while attending university at Oxford, he placed his member in the mouth of a deceased pig, believed to be named Horace, as part of a sordid initiation.

As the Tory leader addressed the claims of swine sex, Mr. Cameron’s ashen faced wife recoiled in horror at each freshly refuted allegation.

“While, the pig was known to me, and we shared several moments together, I would class it only as a working relationship. Despite a mild flirtation it never strayed beyond that. The lines remained unblurred. Now cry,” Mr. Cameron said mistakenly reading his own prompt to cry out loud in his statement.

As the prime minister began weeping thanks to a state of the art water pump mechanism placed within his eye, the awaiting media shed several tears too, as the leader of one the most powerful countries in the world finished refuting accusations that he once fucked a pig.

The public has widely praised the Mr. Cameron’s honestly, which closely echoed similar denials by former US president Bill Clinton, although some have criticised the British leader’s insistence that he also partake in an extended saxophone solo.

Police have already ruled out the possibility of exhuming the pig’s corpse to check for evidence of Cameron’s DNA as it is believed to be nearly identical to that of a pig.

Mr. Cameron’s approval rating has skyrocketed amongst the pro-bestiality pressure group My Sheep, My Lover since the allegations first emerged.