HSE ‘Very Prepared’ For Being Unprepared For Ebola Outbreak

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share
SHARES

THE HSE has reacted strongly to public worry and criticism which states the health service will be unable to deal with a potential outbreak of the Ebola virus.

“Look it, it is absolutely 100% not coming within an inch of the island, so relax,” said HSE spokesperson Tommy Gormley, “but just to shut you lot up we ‘googled’ it and sure it only happens in Africa”.

Despite these reassurances a panicked public remain unconvinced an overstretched and underfunded health service that leaves staff dealing with chronically long waiting lists will stand a chance against the virus.

“Ah c’mon now have a bit of faith,” added Gormley, “we’ve sent all hospitals a copy of that movie, what’s it called, Outbreak, that’s it, for like research purposes”.

WWN can exclusively reveal that watching the 1995 film Outbreak, starring Dustin Hoffman and Morgan Freeman which deals with the spread of an airborne virus will actually be of fuck all use in a real life situation.

Meanwhile the Government cabinet met this morning to discuss the Ebola epidemic with Minister for health Leo Varadkar spending close to three hours trying to convince fellow cabinet members that the zoomed in image of Ebola strain had been just that and not a huge worm-like creature.

“I think we’re all relieved and I’m sure the public will be too to learn that Ebola isn’t a big pinky-blue worm that could crush buildings in one swoop, it’s only a tiny fella so what’s the worry,” explained Taoiseach Enda Kenny.

We appreciate all the help we can get, become a WWN Patreon Supporter below and gain access to bonus content.

Become a Patron!