Drunk Children Funnier, Finds Survey

INTOXICATED CHILDREN are more than 300% funnier than their sober counterparts, a new survey carried out by scientists revealed today.

Toddlers as young as two years old were said to be the funniest out of a group of 600 children tested by neurological experts at Oxford University, England.

Researchers divided the children into three categories: 2-4 years, 4-7 years and 7 to 12 years. The study administered 6 units of alcohol to each child and made them perform a series of routines designed to make people laugh. Out of the 600, over 67% of the funniest moments came from the 2-4 year old bracket, while the 7-12 age group were said to be not all that funny at all, with a measly 12% of the vote.

“The younger children were not as good as the older age groups at handling their alcohol intake,” stated lead researcher Prof. Derek Hanley. “They seemed to fall around a lot more, and some of the things they were doing were just down right stupid.”

In one test, scientists spun three intoxicated children = one from each age group – on a merry-go-round for several minutes, before stopping them and letting them walk on their own free will.

“Ah man, that was hilarious. You should have seen this one three-year-old.” recalled Hanley. “She kept walking sideways and banging into everything. It was some laugh now. Probably one of my more memorable surveys.”

The survey, which is the first of its kind, was carried out in a controlled environment and should not be tried at home.