Woman Living With Male Housemates Gives Up Hope Of Ever Sitting On Toilet Seat Again


Lisa Whelan, a 21-year-old student originally from Kildare, has finally accepted she may never sit on a toilet seat again.

Lisa has been living with three male housemates while studying science at UCD and has found it a difficult adjustment.

“I thought I knew what to expect as I’ve been to Dublin Zoo several times, but it’s worse than I could have imagined.”

Lisa, at first, tried several methods of encouraging her housemates Kevin, Geoff and Alan to urinate in a way that left the toilet unblemished but each attempt was fruitless.

“You know women can be very harsh in their judgement,” shared Kevin, a second year arts student at UCD, “it’s a well known condition, men are often incapable of lifting the toilet seat. I wish it wasn’t this way, I honestly do, but we can’t help it. We need understanding not judgement,” Kevin concluded as he high-fived both Geoff and Alan.

“I put a reward system in place, you know ‘urinate correctly and get a beer’ but nothing worked,” admitted a disconsolate Lisa.

Lisa’s realisation that she may never sit on a toilet seat again hit her hard. “You never think it will be a problem for you but I’ve no choice. I’ll have to work hard at perfecting the ‘hover method’ but at least I know I’m not alone. Like there is even Youtube tutorials on the feckin’ thing. My technique needs improving, but practice, practice, practice as they say.”

Leading researchers in the field of male urinating techniques are still baffled to this day as to the cause of the cognitive block that seems to afflict 10 in every 10 men on the planet.