Total Arsehole In Bar Asks For ‘The Usual’

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KNOWN locally as a total fucking dose, Waterford man Derek Whilan has yet again entered the pub which he goes to once every three or four weeks and loudly asked the barman for ‘his usual’, leading to an awkward stand-off and the eventual ordering of ‘a pint of Guinness please’.

Whilan, who thinks he’s gas, is well known for this type of behaviour, and will frequently ask barmen, barbers and bus drivers for ‘the usual’, in an effort to convey some sort of kinship with them, disguising the fact that he has no real friends.

Failing to accept that bar staff serve hundreds if not thousands of people on a weekly basis, Whilan can sometimes get upset or annoyed if the barman fails to know immediately what his ‘usual’ is, which has lead to third-party mortification in onlookers.

“Ha, lookit! Pretending he doesn’t know what the usual is, eh?” laughed Whilan, while everyone around him just begged silently for him to shut the fuck up.

“A pint of Guinness, sure you should know by now, what? Ha ha! Oh wait, you’re not the lad that’s normally here… ah well sure, youse should all know me by now anyways, sure aren’t I a good customer? Now, my good man, let me nurse this one pint for an hour and a half and then mope off home”.

On his way out, Whilan made sure to bid the door staff a fond farewell and a ‘see youse next time’, even though they haven’t a fucking clue who he is.

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