Taoiseach Baffled As To Why Anyone Would Leave This €2,400-A-Month One-Bed Nation

FOLLOWING new research which found 7 out of 10 young adults are considering moving abroad for a better quality of life, Taoiseach Micheál Martin said he was baffled as to why anyone would leave a nation that offers one-bed apartments for €2,400 a month.

“Most of them get to live at home with their parents well into their 30s. We’ve just upped transport by 15%. 1990s level medical service. Extortionate rents. Why on earth would you leave this beautiful country?” the Taoiseach asked, as he headed off to the United Nations General Assembly to get a selfie with New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani and prove he’s still down with the kids.

The survey carried out by the National Youth Council of Ireland (NYCI) found that 68% of 18-24 year olds are considering moving abroad, while the other 32% simply can’t afford to emigrate.

“€5 coffees. €9 pints. Some chancer charged me €25 for a burger and chip the other day, no seriously one-fucking-chip! I’m done,” explained one of the 1,010 young adults in the survey.

Reflecting on the research, some government officials agreed the news was worrying, but remained optimistic.

“There’s about half a million young people in that age bracket so if even half emigrated that would take the heat off us trying to build homes for them. If only the rest of you would follow suit too that would be great,” a government source concluded.