“Just Use Claude,” Justice Minister Tells People Waiting On Free Legal Aid

PEOPLE due for trial and depending on free legal aid have been told to download the AI agent Claude to represent them in court, WWN has learned.

Minister for Justice Jim O’Callaghan, who introduced a new Criminal Legal Aid Scheme in July this year which saw a 93% drop in applications in its first month, said the court system is working just fine for those who can afford it, telling everyone else to try use AI instead.

“Prompt Claude to be one of those cool defending lawyers like Matlock,” stated O’Callaghan, who replaced a per-appearance fee with a €520 flat rate, prompting hundreds of solicitors to withdraw their services across the country. “We always use Claude in the immigration department to quickly decide who to deport, using the prompt: be a Nigel Farage level judge on who should remain. Works like a treat. In fact all my brilliant ideas come from Claude.”

The Law Society said the new scheme takes a one-size-fits-all approach and has no real regard for the complexity of cases coming before the courts, which O’Callaghan has dismissed as just ‘poor people problems’.

“Maybe consider getting law degrees,” he told legal aid applicants. “You’ll have plenty of time in prison to study anyway. Or how about don’t commit crimes? Or don’t grow up grow up in the impoverished areas the government has forgotten about.”