What A Trump Negotiated United Ireland Will Look Like
IRELAND would be foolish not the seize on US President Donald Trump’s genuine appetite for a United Ireland which is a lasting opinion and position he will continue to hold long into the future. With Trump’s business and negotiating nous we will never be better placed to achieve a united island and reunification.
How hard a sell would a Trump negotiated United Ireland be? Almost too easy when you consult the magic 8-ball of the future and map out the path ahead:
Referring to the united island as the ‘Trump International United Ireland Golf Course & Hotel Resort’ will take some getting used to, but the man masterminding unification would demand and deserve nothing less.
One county would have to be filled in to make a nice water feature. Here’s looking at you Laois.
Contention over having red or green post boxes? Have you considered gold ones?
To secure piece of mind for Trump, and ensure that the newly incorporated entity of Ireland is soundly managed, a special investment vehicle will be established to look after all tax revenue.
Jared Kushner will inexplicably be given several billion euro to have rest in the account of his investment firm.
An olive branch to the DUP, Trump repeats his audacious kidnapping of Nicolas Maduro; this time freeing Jeffrey Donaldson from prison and returning him safely to his dear friends.
A United Ireland masterminded by Donald Trump would automatically make Ireland one of America’s most important and friendly allies. Therefore, now would be a good time to prepare for Trump declaring Cork is rightfully America’s and been renamed ‘Even Newer New York’.
In recognition of his peace securing abilities, Ireland will award Trump the Noel Barr peace prize, named after Irish man Noel Barr solely on account of how similar-ish it sounds to Nobel.
Industrial turf cutting would return, with the promise of 7 extra jobs in exchange for a 78% decrease in air quality.
Trump will be on hand to award the Liam McCarthy and Sam Maguire every year. Any and all trophies, Trump will hand them over and pose for a photo.
Volatile and unpredictable? Yes, but the official currency of Unified Ireland being a Trump Meme crypto coin will be great for the economy*
*the banks accounts of Donald Trump’s family.
An end to DEI; the horrific practice of preferential treatment for people from minority groups – Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael TDs will no longer be automatically appointed to the sitting government of Ireland.
Dublin repurposed to become a vassal state that bows and genuflects to every whim of large US multi-nationals. A horrific prospect to some but maybe something we could get used to.