98.75% Of Football Coverage Now Just Bitching About VAR
DEVOTED FOOTBALL fans have begun a campaign beseeching ex-pros, pundits, podcasters and YouTubers to spend more time repeatedly covering controversial VAR decisions on a loop, as the 1.25% of coverage dedicated to actual football has been deemed ‘too much’ with fans wanting more Pro Ref statments picked apart at length.
“This must be what it felt like to be in Hiroshima the day the Americans dropped the A-bomb,” confirmed one fuming pundit referring to a VAR incident as he practised his outraged expressions in order to give the social media intern the perfect thumbnail image to go with the YouTube video to be uploaded by one football broadcaster.
With recent high-profile refereeing calamities driving football fans into a rage-filled psychotic break, pundits frothing at the mouth have gone on record stating how little coverage they want to devote to such incidents.
“I’d love to cover the actual game, that’s what we all want to focus on; the football but those crazy referee decisions prevent me from doing that,” confirmed one ex-pro turned pundit who rages about a throw-in given the wrong way like he’d just walked in on his dog shagging his wife.
“Bin it, get rid of it, VAR is a scourge. Sooner it’s gone, the sooner we can deliver the high quality football analysis I’m not remotely famous for,” added another pundit under the misapprehension that the production team at the broadcaster he works for actually wants coverage of football and not lucrative ragebait and engagement farming.
An increasing number of ex-pros are calling for VAR decisions to be clearly explained to famously rational and impartial football fans in a bid to reduce the level of frustration felt.
“How the referee could make that mistake is beyond me, we deserve better as dedicated pros,” offered a disgruntled active footballer, who spends most of his time on the pitch constantly trying to fake injuries and fouls in an effort to trick and deceive the officials, calling them a ‘cunt’ every time they correctly give a corner to the opposition team.