Middle Aged Friends’ 12 Pubs Of Christmas Downgraded To Single Zero Alcohol Pint In Quiet Snug

WHAT WAS INITIALLY billed as a rip-roaring and debaucherous descent into feral and festive pint skulling over 12 different pubs has evolved into a quick and quiet non-alcoholic beverage in the snug of a pub a group of middle-aged Waterford men were sure wasn’t infested with ‘young people’, WWN can report.

“Ah I know, I was fucking desperate for a mad one, but herself has cracked the whip so I’ve to head back ‘cus the in-laws are due over or some bullshit, anyone for a pint of zero?” confirmed 48-year-old Cormac Fannon to friends, as the once vibrant annual evening of maximum shenanigans matured into a calm exchange of conversation over an hour or so.

Going out of their way to make mournful pronouncements about what they’ve become, each of the men were secretly delighted to be avoiding the possibility of a hangover so punishing it could hospitalise them for a week.

“Ah Cormac you dry shite, I’m up for doing the whole 12, c’mon,” countered wildcard of the group John Simmons, who was ready to burst into tears of disappointment if anyone called his bluff and agreed to join him.

“Fia and Sean have sleep overs or training or whatever bullshit kids have going on so I’ve the car outside, it’ll be a zero for me too, gah! So annoying, I was so ready to shit my liver out backwards and do a round shots,” Danny Kelly meekly said as the conversation lulled with silence and sighs as the men refused to acknowledge that maybe they don’t live for the session anymore.

“Next year though… fucking watch out Waterford boi, wha?” Cormac said drawing roars of laughter and agreement from the men, who stifled yawns due to the fact they’d usually be snoring on the couch at 3pm of a Saturday.

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