Presidential Candidates Expected To Try & Out-Culchie Each Other At The Ploughing Championships

ATTENDEES planning on venturing to Culchie Mecca The Ploughing Championships tomorrow have been warned by organisers that a stray herd of presidential candidates had escaped and were loose on the grounds, WWN has learned.

“They startle easily and could bolt off if you scare them with a question like ‘would you like to help deliver a calf?'” explained one of the organisers, Tom Feehily.

Apologising for the presence of presidential candidates, the Championships confirmed herding politicians is harder than it looks.

“They won’t do you any harm if you leave them to get their photo ops before sprinting off, they’ll only start bucking if you ask them an incredibly straightforward yes or no question,” added Feehily.

Advice for attendees arriving tomorrow ranges from ‘don’t make eye contact’ to ‘the toxic levels of cringe they cause is only fatal if you keep watching them trying to sheer a sheep for longer than 20 minutes’.

“One of the ejects spat on his hand before going in to shake mine like we were a making deal at a cattle mart! One looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘I love the smell of slurry in the morning’, and another tried to hand me a brown envelope with a Ben Sherman shirt in it, they’re not normal these characters,” explained one culchie working at the Ploughing.

Meanwhile, proving his credentials Fianna Fáil candidate Jim Gavin confirmed while he didn’t know Massey Ferguson personally, he would be happy to attend his funeral and shake his relatives’ hands.

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