Charisma Cannon: Jim Gavin Wows Media In First Interview As Presidential Candidate By Briefly Changing Inflection In Voice

THE IRISH MEDIA has expressed concerns for the Irish public’s resting heart rate after former Dublin GAA manager briefly contorted his tone of voice to rise slightly on one word during an interview announcing his candidacy for the president.

“Jaysus, he’s political dynamite, diplomatic heroin! Someone with that much charisma can’t just sneak up on the public like that. It’s like shooting adrenaline directly into our bloodstreams, this must be what Conor McGregor feels like after having his morning Colombian brand Wheetabix!” said one member of the media, buzzing after Gavin gave a bland ‘game of two halves’ answer to stock questions about the upcoming election.

The undulation in the Dublin man’s voice, although brief, is the sort of wild and unpredictable behaviour that can sway an electorate by sheer force of personality alone.

“I haven’t thought this through but split the Áras in two! It’s not fair! If he gets in he’ll do seven years in a row, it’s not on,” confirmed one Mayo voter.

Gavin wouldn’t be drawn on whether he believes votes from outside Dublin should count as two votes considering how far out from Phoenix Park they are.

“Typical! Another joke candidate! Wasting our time, you’re telling me that if this lad was actually serious about winning he would have stood up there and said ‘I’m running as Fianna Fáil’s candidate’? Come off it, he hasn’t a hope,” offered one offended voter.

UPDATE: For the benefit of people who get their news from Elon Musk on Twitter, an earlier version of this story had the headline ‘Sports Person Actually Respected & Admired By Irish People Announces Bid For Irish Presidency’.

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