US News Cycle Swiftly Moves On From ‘President Sent Notorious Pedo A Creepy Pedo Drawing & Letter’ Story

IN THE WORLD of the 24/7 news cycle, US news outlets have confirmed while they’d love to really drill down into the ‘Donald Trump and his creepy, creepy drawing and birthday letter to notorious bestie and pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’, there’s just no time.

“You can’t expect me to dwell on this stuff, is the President of United States saying no letter or drawing to Epstein drawing exists and that he’d sue anyone who said it did and then the letter turning out to be 100% true really that big of a news story?” queried one editor at a fast-paced news network.

“Okay, I’ll devote 1 minute to it at the top of the hour but after that I really have to move on to the Supreme Court saying ICE can just arrest you for speaking Spanish or having a tan, and we can’t stick on that for that long ‘cus Trump just said domestic abuse shouldn’t be a crime but I can’t guarantee we’ll cover that ‘cus we’ve got to fit in the fact a court upheld the decision to give one of Trump’s assault victims $83 million,” added another news person before collapsing after failing to draw breath, such is the scale of the scandals.

While US based media outlets appreciate outsiders may get a little ‘worked up’ after the release of Trump’s perverse letter to Jeffrey Epstein, the media feel the president being a vile sex pest is ‘just one of those every day things the public has gotten used to’ and we all need to move on.

“Sorry, all our reporters have been seconded to work full time on covering Taylor Swift’s wedding plans,” confirmed another news outlet.

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